A good friend had me start watching a series on Youtube entitled "Relationship Goals". At this point, I have only made it through the first of the 6-part series and it's locked me in a reflective moment, a reality check.
Upon listening to a section about knowing your identity and living your purpose despite what anyone else has to say about it, especially society. This piece made me realize that after spending my first 10-16 years in church at least twice a week, somewhere I got lost and began feeling ashamed of having a relationship with God. At some point, I began denying my belief in Him.
This made me take a few moments to try and pinpoint that moment. When did I start losing my faith? When did I start questioning him? Why did it happen? Though I had a few questions in my head prior to, I would say that moment was when we lost Mama V. Subconsciously. It made me question if God was really real. If he is, why would he take her from us? From me. Why would you take one of your strongest warriors out of the fight? This same woman had me in the same church before I was even born. Why her? It was almost like, how could I be comfortable saying I love God and have a relationship with him without feeling ashamed (and even angry) about what happened with Ma? That's exactly what the enemy wanted. Instead of being thankful for the opportunity to live in her name, I blamed the person that gave me life abundantly and in return, I fell out of my purpose. I ran away from the place he wanted me. This caused me to stray away from my identity, hence denying the creator.
This reflection showed me just how easy it is to lose PHOCUS, even of self. It revealed a few of my personal downfalls and the reasons behind some of the cycles I've found myself in over the years. I'm appreciative of these moments of learning and growth. It's almost like it was apart of the plan the whole time "ALL THANKS TO THE MAN IN THE SKY."
26:00-36:00 for this discussion
Can you recall a moment where you were ashamed for something you believe in? What was it? Comment below.